It's getting summer again. Even though it's been raining for the last few days, you can clearly feel the rising temperatures.
My life, however, takes place in front of the computer. I work all day without a break, programming websites, writing my book and preparing new seminars. I sit down at the computer as soon as I get up - and stay there until I go back to sleep.
While I'm happy that I'm slowly seeing more and more results from my work, I don't know how I'm ever going to make money from it - and that's what makes it difficult.
I have no idea how I could ever publish my books. Originally, I thought I would sell them on Amazon after three volumes, but I've since realised that won't work. At the end of the third volume, there are far too many stories still open. Nothing is finalised and I don't know if I might have bitten off more than I can chew with this project.
Moreover, my attitude to life is becoming increasingly negative. I wouldn't say I'm depressed - it's more a feeling of disillusionment. My body keeps giving me a hard time and I feel less and less like being part of this life. It's getting worse, and the reasons that make me feel this way are becoming more and more entrenched.
I believe that there is only one real law in this shitty world: the law of the jungle. People try to be brave, form alliances to be strong enough to survive - but no one stands a chance against the mercilessness and ruthlessness of nature.
I really hate this existence with all my heart. And I never used to hate anything - but it's getting worse.
I used to be able to keep my head above water with small positive experiences. Of course, Jhojan was very important in that. I also never gave up hope that "after every night comes another morning". But today I no longer see a tomorrow.
The greed for profit of a few is driving the world into the abyss, and no one is able - or willing - to stop it.
I realised many things when I saw how COVID had led the whole world into a kind of captivity. I had hoped that it was a one-off and would eventually be over.
But the truth is: it's getting worse. The money for the next war has long since been provided by the powers that be. I think they will start a war - as they have always done, with lies and deception.
And the sheep are asleep.
By the way, I found Keywan's sentence very apt:
"The sheep are afraid of the wolf - but they are killed by the shepherd."
I think that sums it up.
Things will never get better. It just goes on and on. Not because we are ruled by dark forces, but because that is nature.
In essence, everything is a struggle for resources (Ukraine) and power. That's the way nature intended it.
If I were rich enough, I would leave this country and go somewhere peaceful.
I just don't know where such a place still exists.