I'm realising more and more that I'm getting old. Of course, everyone always says it's rubbish, but I think they just don't want to admit their age.
Yesterday I fell asleep late (or should I say early) and ate some rice during the night. In the morning I woke up with nausea and severe heartburn. I've never had it this extreme before. I'll probably have to be very careful in future about what I eat and when, otherwise the consequences could be quite severe.
I'm also realising that I need more and more sleep and every day there's some other problem with my body.
I remember that Dina's grandma once said that she would be happy if she didn't have any pain for a day. Dina was upset about it at the time. She couldn't seem to understand that someone could be so unwell.
Her grandma didn't have a hearing aid for a long time, even though her hearing was getting worse and worse. Only today do I understand how she must have felt. I realise that I need glasses, but the examinations at the doctors are so degrading and the glasses are so incredibly expensive that I also keep putting it off.
Even though I realise that it's not going to get any better, I'm very reluctant to go to the doctors. I wish there was already a reliable medical A.I. who could act like a doctor. That would certainly make a lot of things easier.
I now realise many things that I didn't understand in the past. As long as I was at least in good health, I could hardly understand the difficulties of others. That doesn't mean that I didn't sympathise or make fun of them. It was just difficult for me to really understand their situation.
For me, old age brings with it many problems that I didn't used to know. But I suppose that's true for everyone. And precisely because I am now experiencing these changes more and more myself, I often think about the misery of the world. Illness and infirmity are increasingly coming into my field of vision. It horrifies me how incredibly badly this world is built.
If I saw God as some kind of engineer of the world, I would really have to smack him round the ears for the mess he has created here. In the normal business world, a company that produced something like this would surely go bankrupt in no time.